Ron Ron comes to H-Town

During his rookie season in Chicago, Ron Artest applied for a job at Circuit City so that he could get the employee discount. He once went to Pacers practice wearing a bathrobe. At the beginning of the 2004-05 season, Artest was suspended for three games for asking Rick Carlisle for 30 days off because he was "tired from promoting his R&B album." In 2003, he got three games for destroying a tv camera during a game at Madison Garden. The same year, he got four more games for getting into it with Pat Riley during a game against the Heat. In November of 2004, Artest pretty much started the "Malice at the Palace." The Comish suspended Artest for 73 games for that little hiccup. Last year, the League suspended Artest for the first 7 games of the season for his "legal problems" (a California judge sentenced him to 20 days in jail for domestic violence). And Artest has also been known to commit a flagrant foul from time to time.

Ok so he's had a few off the court problems....But before you judge Artest, you should know that after the 2005-2006 NBA season offered Artest offered to forge a salary in 06-07 if the Kings would use the money to renew then King's coach Rick Adelman contract with the team. Artest also made the same offer that same season to try and convince the Kings to resign his friend Bonzi Wells (I know what your thinking now. "wait, he and Bonzi are boys? Your talking about the same Bonzi that is a notorious underachiever/partyer/ waste of talent....ummm..." I had the exact same thought). So we know that he's generous. And he also....ok fine so the only thing that makes you feel positive about his character was offer to donate his salary for a year to two different people.

But in spite of all of this, Rockets fans should be extremely happy with this trade. In return for a marquee talent, the Rockets essentially gave up an old guy (Bobby Jackson), the 28th pick in this past draft (Daunte Greene), next years first round pick (which will be in the 20's assuming that the team will be at least as good as last year's squad), and around one million dollars cash. I like Daunte Greene, and he might turn out to be a good player in the league somewhere down the road. That said, even if Greene does end up as a solid player that sticks in the league, he is at least two or three years away from being ready to contribute. While there are certainly examples of players selected outside of the top 20 in the draft that became good players (see Manu, Tony Parker, Sam Cassell, Michael Finley), more often than not these players don't contribute in any substantive way. If you look at it from purely a basketball perspective, the bottom line on this trade is that the Rockets gave up very little to get an elite NBA player like Artest.
And make no mistake about it, when he isn't suspended or serving 20 days for domestic violence Ron Artest is an elite player. No matter what you think of Ron Artest the person, Ron Artest can play him some basketball. To say that Artest is a defensive stopper is to dramatically understate just how good he is: by the end of the game, whoever Ron Artest is guarding wants to cry. The 2004 NBA defensive player of the year suffocates whoever has the misfortune of drawing him as a matchup. If you don't believe me, go ask Kobe Bryant. At 6'7'', 248 lbs, Artest is big enough to shut down the best power forwards in the league, and he guards 2's and 3's at least as well, if not better. Artest also has the ability to score the ball and rebound. Last year he averaged more than 20 ppg for the Kings and he has averaged more than 15 points a game for his career.
Sure, this could blow up. Artest might commit a violent crime or start a brawl. And even if he doesn't do that, I can virtually guarantee you that he will say something stupid about one of his teammates or coaches after a loss or a bad game on several occasions this season. But ultimately, this is a deal you had to make. Ron Artest makes the Rockets a bona-fide title contender. While there is legitimate concern that there won't be enough shots for Yao, Tracy, and Ron, the Rockets now have three dynamic scorers. This means that if Yao or Tracy goes down, the Rockets don't immediatly become one dimensional. If he needs to, Artest can take over a game and he's as tough as nails. Despite what the 22 game winning streak suggests, Yao's injury reduced the Rocket's margin for error to virtually nothing. If everyone wasn't firing on all cylinders, the team was screwed. Now, if Yao or Tracy goes down again (and one of them will), the team will have two scorers that can create their own points. What all of this basically means is that on nights when the jumpshots are not falling, the Rocket's will still be able to score points because of the ability of Yao, Tracy, and Artest to create points on their own.
On the defensive end, the addition of Artest makes the already potent Rockets defense that much better. If the Rockets need a stop late in a game, Adelman will send out Mcgrady, Artest, Battier, Chuck Hayes, and Joey Dorsey. If you score on this lineup, you will have earned it. Before the summer league squad headed to Vegas, I talked to Joey Dorsey for a while and during our conversation he told me that "ain't nobody going to be messing with the Yao man this year." With Artest, you get another guy who isn't afraid to go toe to toe with anyone (fan or player) who crosses him. with the likes of Artest and Dorsey around, the Rockets will quickly cease to be the soft, unphysical team that we have grown so accustomed to seeing over the past few seasons.
Worst case scenario is that Artest beats up a fan, and from my perspective that isn't so bad. The last time a Rocket player beat up a fan, it was Vernon Maxwell and the Rockets won a title. Whatever happens, it sure is going to be interesting.

Yet Another Reason to Dislike Women's Athletics

I hate women's sports with an unbridled passion that is hard for me to describe in words. Maybe it is sexism, however I think it's more likely that this hatred derives from a strong averson to things that are extremely boring.
However, as with all things, there are exceptions to my "I hate women's athletics" rule. For example, I enjoy watching Maria Sharipova because she happens to be really attractive (for those of you who are foaming at the mouth because my last comment was "sexually degrading to women" I would ask that you get a sense of humor and then think about whether or not Maria wants me to react just in the way I described above....see SI swimsuit edition with her in it/ look at what she's wearing the next time she plays a match). But seriously, I find many female Olympic sports to be legitimately entertaining (both summer and winter) and I have always enjoyed watching women's tennis (with the volume off so that their shrieks don't send me over the edge) and in particular, women's golf. The woman on the tennis and golf tours have serious game and it's fun as hell to watch them play. I will still watch Annika Sorenstam play when I come across her on television, and while I find Serena Williams to be unbelievably annoying, I will watch any match between the Williams sisters. Before last week, I would have also said that I found Michelle Wie's game to be pretty intriguing.
I'm a golf person so you don't have to explain to me that Michelle hasn't done jack sh-- to deserve any of our attention on a regular basis, but the girl's potential is quite astounding. She literally bombs it like any one of the guys, and that greatly adds to her appeal. And while I thought it was a bit ridiculous for Michelle Wie to try to play PGA Tour events when she hadn't yet dominated (or even won) on the LPGA Tour and I had a bit of a problem with these tour events giving her sponsors exemptions, I was willing to wave off my reservations because Annika's trip to Colonial had gone so well a couple of years back and Wie seemed like she might turn into the real deal down the line. So until last week I didn't hate Michell Wie.
But now I do. Before last weeks little scorecard mishap, Wie had been terrible for two years. Riddled by a number of wrist injuries, Wie quite simply has been very bad for quite a while. And all the more irritating is that today when I looked at her oh so crappy record I realized that all of the crappy results that she has been posting have been in events which she didn't qualify for, but instead received sponsors exemptions into. Wie has done nothing to earn sponsors exemptions and by continually seeking them out and accepting them, she robs a deserving player of a spot in the tournament. But whatever, I can deal with that. And then of course last week Wie somehow forgot to sign her scorecard while in the scoring area (as a competitive golfer, I just want to emphasize the word somehow because it is truly an astoundingly amateurish error) after a very solid second round and she was disqualified after her third round (the error, made on day two, was discovered mid-round and officials decided to let her finish her round so she could possibly explain herself). Wie was playing her best golf in a while before making this humiliating error.
But we all make mistakes, and Wie sort of got her game together....maybe she would use this as a lesson and respond by resolving to grow up and act like the professional that Nike pays her like she is. But then, four days after her disqualification, Wie and her people announced that she would be accept a sponsors exemption to the b-list PGA tour event of the week, the Legends Reno-Tahoe Open. Are you freaking kidding? How can her parents, or her advisers, or whoever is responsible for advising this dumbass not pull her aside and scream at her "Michelle you've been shooting in the 80's semi-regularly on the LPGA tour for almost a year and a half, and last week you finally showed signs of getting your act together only to make a mistake that is rarely made in the 9-11 year old age bracket of a junior golf tournament. You cannot go play this event. you will look like a fool....you will miss the cut (she has all 8 times she's tried to PGA Tour) or worse yet, you could pass out from heat exhaustion and have to be carried off the course on a stretcher like you had to be when you tried this nonsense in 2006. I will not allow you to go play this tournament." How does someone not tell her this? Doesn't anyone care about this girl?
Watching Michelle Wie for the past three years has been like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I will watch this weekend (actually, just Thursday and Friday since she won't make it to the weekend) but for all of the wrong reasons: I will be watching to see her fall flat on her face, and she will. Annika Sorenstam made a sexist like me think it was pretty badass that the girls could play with the boys and hold their own. Michelle Wie is single handedly undoing all of the good that Annika did. If Michelle was smart, she would ask one of the girls on the LPGA tour that is for real (and there are a number of them) to go play in her place, for the good of women's sports. It would save her a lot of humiliation, and seeing a girl with some game out there (as I said, there are like six that could hold their own at this event...Wie just ain't one of them) would remind a schmuck like me that the girls can play ball too.

Cheering for Ted Thompson

When the hell did the text message become a legitimate form of communication? I'm not saying that I don't text all the time, it's a very useful tool to avoid actual conversations, however I was still under the impression that text messaging was still firmly entrenched (along with instant messaging) in the catagory of illegitimate ways to communicate certain "important" or "serious" things. What I mean is that on the off chance that I was in a position to ask a girl on a date, it would be pathetic for me to do so via text message. Similarly, if I had a girlfriend (I know, a laughably impossible hypothetical but play along) I would not break up with her over a text message. If my friend died, I would not send his Mother a "Andrew's dead, sorry for your loss" text. Even as a member of a generation that will do anything to avoid actually having to speak to a person on the phone or even worse, in person, I know that there are certain things you just have to do either over the phone or in person.

The reports of Brett Favre's "comeback" are completely destroying my assumptions about the text message. What the hell am I talking about? If you have kept up with the story (and if you watch Sportscenter these days, it would be hard not to keep up with it since it seems to be their lead every other bloody night) you know that almost all of the stories are based on a text message in some substantive way.

When the story first broke, every member of the Favre family (ok, I don't know that for a fact. He's from Mississippi so he could have like twelve brothers and sisters, but alot of members of the family) went on every talk show that would have them on (so basically all of them) to talk about whether they thought their brother (or cousin, or nephew, grandson, friend from preschool, guy they once met at the deli in Wichita, etc) would come back to play again or not. Seriously, it seemed like everyone Brett Favre has any connection to ("One time I parked next to him at Wal-Mart, and he said hello...and from that experience I feel confident in saying that I am confident that he will be wearing a Packer uniform come September") commented about whether Favre would play. The only person that we did not hear from seemed to be Favre himself. But after giving his family a chance to be famous for about nine hours and feel wanted, Favre finally broke the silence...well sort of. He sent a text message to some newspaper in Wisconsin that apparently simply called all of the "comeback" speculation "rumors."

That he sent a text message to a newspaper outlet as a means of "commenting" on a story is strange enough, but what's even stranger is that the paper reported Favre's "comment" (a short text message that called the speculation a "rumor") and every media outlet in the country immediately picked the story up. Sportscenter led with the story. Maybe it's just me being resistant to new technology, but I don't think that's likely since I communicate via text message as much as possible. Regardless, I am of the opinion that newspapers should not be reporting five word text messages as news. How does the paper in fact know that Brett's brother or Mother isn't sending the message? And even if he did send it, why the hell won't he just comment for real. It's an outrage. Ok, it's not an outrage, but there isn't a lot to write about this week. But this story gets better.

Thompson apparently responded to But this interminable story took one more fun turn a few days later when the media caught wind of a "conversation" that Ted Thompson and Brett Favre had via text. The report goes that Favre contacted Thompson claiming that the two needed to talk. Here's where the story getsFavre's request with a text that simply said the two would have to talk later because Thompson was "on vacation." This story almost makes me want to reverse my previous position and instead encourage the reporting of texts in the news. Try and wrap your mind around this: rather than call his general manager to tell him that he was kidding all of last season and in the press conference when he tearfully announced his retirement, Favre shoots his general manager a text simply stating that we need to talk. If that doesn't boggle your mind, Thompson's response will. Fully understanding that "we need to talk" really means "we need to talk because I pretty much changed my mind and I am about to give you the impossible decision of telling me, Brett Favre....the Brett Favre, that I cannot come back and play for my team and in doing so making yourself enemy number one of everyone who loves me (and trust me when I tell you that everyone loves me) or taking me back and by doing so forcing you to totally retool the roster you built assuming you could spend the $16 million that you now owe me on other players.

So, Ted gets this message, and as I said, he's no idiot so he knows what it means...and how does he respond? Thompson texts #4 back, informing the legend that he is "on vacation" and that the two will have to "talk later." I would pay all of the money in my wallet right now (six one dollar bills) if I could see a video of Favre's reaction upon receiving this text message. I think it's safe to assume that Brett has probably enjoyed pretty much whatever luxuries that the franchise could possibly afford him, one of them probably being that when he talks the execs drop everything they are doing and listen. But Ted, it appears, finally had enough of Favre's bs and so he just basically told the franchise to take a number and wait in line. I don't know how this is going to turn out, but I am cheering for Ted Thompson because he just told the needy, whiny girlfriend to shove it, andI am of the opinion that men should always cheer for other men who have the courage to do such things. I don't know what happens next, but since all professionalism has apparently been thrown out the window by both parties and now anything can be done by text, I hope that the next Favre story we get is that Thompson sent Favre a polite text informing the veteran that after deliberating, the Packers are "going 2 move on." Go Ted Thompson.

The Dog Days of Summer

On April 19, 2008 the Cleveland Cavs defeated the Washington Wizards 93-86 in the opening game of the 2008 NBA playoffs. On June 17th, the Boston Celtics defeated the Los Angeles Lakers 131-92 to win the NBA title and end the 2008 playoffs. You can do the math, but basically the NBA playoffs lasted two months. Two freaking months.
Needless to say, that the playoffs took two months is ridiculous. I could say a lot about how frustrating I find this but for purposes of brevity I will simply stop my rant here and move to the main point of the story, which is maybe, just maybe, this isn't such a bad thing...?
Seriously, consider the possibility that rather than being a massive tool of the television networks (who dictate how the playoff games are scheduled), David Stern is actually something like a sports charity worker who scheduled the games with the interests of the average sports fan in mind....Ok so it's not likely, but bare with me for a second while I try and explain why the absurd length of NBA's post-season might not be such a bad thing after all.
You see, every year the end of the NBA finals marks the coming of the dog days of summer, where all the media has to talk about is baseball (which is my favorite sport) and training camp football. That's it. Because of this, every big time sports radio or television personality goes on vacation and ESPN starts showing a massive amount of what can only be referred to as low cost, time filling garbage.
Take ESPN. Not that you listen to ESPN radio (you instead listen to 1560 the Game) but if you did, you would know that Mike and Mike have gone on vacation leaving listeners the less than envious task of listening to Eric Kuselias and Osi Umenyiora talk about how Osi feels disrespected by the Giants being a candidate for the "biggest upset" ESPY because as he sees it "we weren't an underdog....Plexico said we were going to win." This provides a perfect segway into "the ESPY's" and "My Wish." Sportscenter will be devoting a totally absurd amount of time to debates about their meaningless totally made up ESPY awards. Just be thankful Samuel L. Jackson won't be hosting them this year (we've got Justin Timberlake instead) so that viewers will be spared him barking at you during commercial breaks.
As bad as the ESPY's are, "My Wish" is infinitely worse. Because they don't have enough sports to talk about, ESPN takes the liberty of "granting young sick children their dreams." While this is good, ESPN is essentially using the kids for cheap programming that they can use to fill time. What exactly are the athletes supposed to say when ESPN comes to them and tells them that they have a dying child who's one and only dream is to meet them. If ESPN were setting these kids up with their favorite athletes because they wanted to grant a dream to a child, that would be great, but they are doing it so that they can film it and turn it into a very crappy human interest story. ESPN: stop with the crappy programming, do your job and talk about sports. Grant dreams off camera, but viewers don't watch sports center to see this crap. I am not anti-charity, I am however against using very sick kids and turning them into human interest stories to fill time. Stop it.
Next time you tune in to sportcenter and see a round table debate being moderated by some guy from ESPN News, or you turn on PTI to see that Jay Mariatti and whoever else they could find is hosting, or are trying to see the highlights from last nights Astros game before you head off to work and instead find a "My Wish" story, you might consider writing David Stern and asking him to make the playoffs even longer.
In other news, various sources are reporting the Harold Reynolds will be making his triumphant return to the broadcasting industry on TBS' "All Star Selection Show." Thank God. I knew that Harold could overcome whatever "sexual misconduct" got him booted from Baseball Tonight. Harold was great on Baseball Tonight and the show has gotten significantly worse since his departure. I will happily watch any baseball broadcast (sans Little League World Series...a little much) that features his commentary.